Door of Fear

Monday, February 25, 2008

Posted by sTephen h.

Door of Fear - It’s a lot to read, but this what I felt...and yes, it's another plastic bag moment...

I went jumping over the weekend and experienced a feeling I had only heard about by one of my instructors. I’m not exactly sure if it has a common term but he described it as the "Door of Fear". Basically, the "Door of Fear" is the feeling people get at certain points of their skydiving career that keep them in the plane when it’s time to get out. In some cases, they decide not to jump, and in worst cases, they decide to quit.

I was in the Airplane this weekend and I believe I faced the "Door of Fear". It started shortly after the ritual that I perform before the airplane reaches 1,000 feet. My rituals consist of a short prayer, multiple handle checks and the anticipation of hearing the beep in my helmet that lets me know it’s safe to unfasten my seatbelt. At about 4,000 Feet, I asked myself a question that I had never asked myself before. I asked myself..."What the fuck am I doing in this plane right now and why do I have this thing on my back?". This question shed light onto a different perspective into skydiving that I had never seen before. It could be the same perspective that many non-skydivers have that keep them from even considering the act. Distancing myself 2 miles from the earth and not knowing the final results started to become difficult for me to swallow. Knowing that my death could be waiting at the place I call home...knowing that "the thing on my back" was going to have a significant influence as to whether I was going to reach the ground safely or not...knowing that I had a certain amount of responsibility for the lives of the other jumpers in the plane and they had responsibility over mine ALL entered my mind. My heart started to beat at an uncontrollable rate and my body started to tingle from head to toe. At 10,000 feet, breathing became difficult and I thought I was going to throw up (I think I farted too). I became dizzy and a little disoriented. All of these feelings became a bit overwhelming and the option to ride the plane down entered my mind. After the belly fliers in front of us exited, my jumping partners and I headed to the door...the "Door of Fear". When I looked out, I quickly realized that this door was not my enemy. It was my friend. I started to remember how beautiful the earth looked from 13,500 feet and how much I loved the concept of human flight. The cool breeze flowing through the fuselage of the airplane reminded me that the feeling I was chasing was just a simple leap away. After a few deep breaths and a big smile, I nodded at my jumping partner and took the simple leap. Needless to say, the jump was amazing and answered all of the questions that I had just seconds before…

Sometimes we lose sight of the things we do and the reasons we do them. We have to weigh the positives and negatives in all situations to help determine how we want handle them. Earlier this weekend, I faced the "Door of Fear" and simply realized that there was nothing to fear. It’s the gateway to experiencing the most beautiful thing in the world...SKYDIVING!!

I love this sport more than words could explain and will continue to jump until the day I die...